As you know from some of my earlier posts, Lyla had a problem latching at the beginning of her little life. After meeting with several lactation consultants and purchasing a nipple shield, the latching issue ended and we had successful breast feedings!!!
Well, recently we added another issue. Because of me having to go up to work for some events during my maternity leave, Lyla would have to be fed breast milk with a bottle. Not a problem because she was still getting breast milk. However, a few days ago breast feeding became a challenge again. Lyla would feed for about 3 minutes and then get frustrated, push back and scream. She started doing this at every feeding. Which made things frustrating for her and for me. The only thing I can come up with is that she has gotten so use to the bottle that the breast is too much work for her and therefore causes the frustration. I think she gets mad because she isn't getting the milk as easily. The other problem is she is eating so much that we would fight through the feeding and then still have to give her a bottle with more breast milk because she wasn't satisfied.
So now the decision, to stop breast feeding and just pump and bottle feed, or push through in the hopes that things will turn around. I have been debating this decision for several days. Personally, I don't mind pumping and bottle feeding. One, it's much faster. Two, I'm about to go back to work and she will be on the bottle all day which will push her further from the breast. Third, I've never felt the strong "bond" from breast feeding. I actually enjoy the bottle feeding because I can look into my sweet girls' eyes. I love watching her curl her hands up under her chin. I also love that she isn't fighting at each feeding.
But, does this make me a bad mom? Am I being selfish and giving up too easily? These are the questions that I have debated over and prayed over. I've discussed it with Andy and asked his opinion. He said it's my choice and I just have to stand behind it. Both of us are determined to keep her on breast milk at least through August. We want her to get the nutrients of breast milk and we don't want the expense of formula. But now my little one is taking so much milk that I'm not sure I can keep up. She is already taking 3-4 ounces at every feeding. She's not even a month old yet. She is sleeping longer at night so I can only assume that she is stocking up during the day.
Oh the life of a mom. The constant decision making. The uncertainty that I'm not making the right decision. I just had no idea breast feeding would bring about so many challenges.
6 comments:
Oh Honey. Only you can say what is right for you. It is tough. But think about what is more important to you. The bond? or the fact that she is getting the milk. She is going to eat more as time goes on but amazingly your body will up the ante when it needs to. As she eats more you will produce more. And the expense of formula is ridiculous (Sams 50$ a month on formula alone). You are doing amazing things just by providing the nutrition for her. Don't beat yourself up. It doesn't make you a bad mommy. I have had my share of "Bad Mommy" moments. But when you sit back and realize that your child is happy and healthy then the individual decisions don't seem to matter as much as the big picture. She isn't going to become a bad child simply because she didn't get the "boob". She's getting it and that is what matters. Love ya and hang in there. You are doing a good job.
PS when I have my "Bad Mommy" moments I take a deep breath and figure at least when he goes into therapy it won't be a waste of money. :D j/k.
Aubrey, don't do this to yourself. This important thing is this whole scenario is that Lyla is eating, right? Believe it or not, she doesn't care which method it come from. She just wants the milk. If it's frustrating with the breast, then just know you gave it your best shot, and that's all you can do. Don't beat yourself up - being a new mommy is hard enough!! You had plenty of reasons (great reasons!) why you enjoyed bottle feeding your sweet little angel, so follow your heart, and don't feel bad.
You're her mom and perfectly capable of making decisions in her best interest.
Thank you sweet friends for the encouragement! It's nice to hear from other moms that I'm doing okay!
It is you decision! In my opinion she is getting the good stuff, so keep the pumping! My hubbies step mom pumped for 7 months and had enough for my baby brother in laws first year.
I pray the pumping goes well!
((Hugs))
Autumn
Sweet momma!! I hear your cries! I had a REALLY hard time nursing and pumped for about 3 months. Then my milk dried up (but that's another story). YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM! You are keeping your little girl safe and healthy and there is nothing more that you can ask for. This is ultimately your decision but whatever you decide, know that Lyla is going to flourish.
Happy pumping!
Aw, Aubrey, so sorry it's been tough. I cried and cried (and cried and cried!!!) when I realized bfeeding wasn't going to work w/ Eli. It was especially frustrating since I had been able to do it w/ Gavin for 9 months. I can't think of anything else that has such a wide array of emotions attached to it. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that some advice I got about getting your supply up was to pump more often -- even if you're not getting as much each time. The killer part is that you have to do it through the night too, so you have to weigh the effect of sleep deprivation, but it works pretty well for increasing supply which is pretty common problem when only pumping.
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