We've all heard or said, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!" as a child. It's funny because nothing about that statement is true. Well, okay...maybe that sticks and stones can break bones, but words do hurt! Physical wounds heal. Bruises go away and scars fade. Even the memory of pain can't be recalled. I mean, you remember the pain, but you can actually feel it again unless you get hit again. But words...words have a way of crawling into a dark place where you think they've been forgotten and then all of the sudden the pop back up and you are once again reminded of the pain from them. The memory of the situation where ugly words were said, or the thoughts and doubts that those words caused resurface and once again you are living the pain all over again.
Last Monday I was attacked personally in a very public way. In my job I am very use to the fact that I will not be liked by all. As an educator, I have a daunting task of being given the responsibility to "step in place" of the parent for several hours a day. This can be a challenging role. Especially when the parent does not agree with your teaching style, or decision making. I have pretty tough skin and it's grown even tougher over the years. I've learned to accept that I will not win over every parent and student I come in contact with. I take every hard situation with a grain of salt. For every tough kid/mad parent, there are 10 that are wonderful, kind and compassionate. I am surrounded by wonderful people who build me up and parents/students who support my endeavors. Usually when something hurtful is said, it is said directly to me. It might be to me or over the phone, but it is to me. Now, that person may go on to talk about me to others, but at least I can live in blissful ignorance about it. This situation, however, was not addressed to me, but to a very public audience. What bothers me most is that there are people who don't know me, but now may have a harsh opinion of me, and there is nothing I can ever do to change that.
A week later and while I for the most part of gotten over what was said, and have moved on, I still find myself thinking back to the hurtful words. They have found themselves a home in a dark place where doubt creeps in. Maybe what was said is true? What if others feel the same? What is this person is right? It's a scary place to allow myself to go. So, today I pulled out my "positives" folder. Since I started teaching I have a folder in my filing cabinet with every nice note, e-mail and card that has ever been given to me. I keep them there for times like today. When I need a reminder that this thing that was said about me is not the majority. It's not validation that I needed. I know my worth and where it comes from. I know (and have been reminded in my BSF study this past week) that I am a child of God and it is his grace that sustains and his redemption that makes me whole. But every once in a while, it's nice to go back and read sweet words from sweet people. To be reminded of great memories. It's funny as I read letters from former students of how I've helped shape their lives, I couldn't help but think of how each one of those young ladies helped to shape mine. A few moments spent pouring over thank you cards and senior goodbye letters, reminded me that the good really does outweigh the bad. And that while ugly words can hurt, kind words can build, encourage and provide support.
So today I am thankful for my positives folder that reminds me that while ugly words were said in a moment of frustration, kind words were said after years spent walking through the highs and lows together.
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