For those of you who have gone past term (or probably every woman at the end of her pregnancy), you know how I feel. Since day 1 past due I've started to loose the smile and joy. The waiting, the exhaustion, the back pain, weight gain, sleepless nights all start to take it's toll. The first 40 weeks, I could deal. It was all part of it. I've been very blessed to have an easy pregnancy. I really didn't start getting uncomfortable until a few days ago. But the constant questioning of everyone I come in contact with...."when are you do?, I can't believe you're still pregnant? How are you feeling? I think you've dropped?", add to it the daily thoughts of, this could be the day, start to weigh on a girl's emotions. Andy and I have been on an emotional roller coaster. We are physically exhausted, emotionally spent.
I've known for the past week that I was getting to the breaking point. There would be moments when I would feel close to tears for no other reason than I'm just spent. Well, today, the last day of my pregnancy, is the day it hit.
It started with a bad night's sleep. I didn't go to bed (on the couch) until after 1:00AM. I awoke every 2 hours to pee. I finally woke at 6:45AM and could not go back to sleep. I ate breakfast, watched TV, Andy woke up at 7:30. At 8:20 I was falling back asleep on the couch and thought, I think I'll go lie down in bed. I haven't slept in my bed in 10 days,and really not consistently since December. I go lie down. Oooo the bed feels so good. I fall asleep. 20 minutes later I'm awakened by Andy coming and a bird chirping. Andy lies down. He starts to snore. I can't sleep. I get up in frustration. All I wanted was a nap in my own bed. Andy sleeps for 2 hours. I sit on the couch. Now I'm frustrated. I am exhausted. I didn't want to be exhausted going into the hospital in the morning. I know I won't sleep well tonight with the anticipation of the induction in the morning, so today was my last chance. I start to do dishes. Andy wakes up. He does the worst thing he can do when I'm the boiling point...he apologizes! I loose it. Tears stream down my face for the next 30 minutes.
I knew it was coming. I've watched it build for 10 days. But who would know that when it hit it would hit this hard. I haven't been emotional my whole pregnancy, so I guess I was due.
My poor husband. He has been so wonderful during my pregnancy. He just picked the wrong day to disturb my nap.
Praise God Lyla is coming tomorrow. I don't think Andy or I can take one more day of this roller coaster. I am looking forward to the end of the pregnancy and the beginning of life as a mommmy.
4 comments:
HA!!! I'm reading this knowing that you didn't have to wait through the night and now you're wait is over! So excited to hear from yall and know how everything went
oops - you're is supposed to be your! Love you guys
Oh sweet Aubrey, aren't those hormones awful? I remember very vividly wanting to rip off everyone's head who dared look at me after my due date. I was miserable. Add to that being in SA (we were stationed in Las Vegas at the time) and away from my bed, my couch, my toilet...I was a mess!
But look, now you have your precious Lyla and the sleepless nights filled with feedings and diaper changes can begin!
I almost thought to warn you of that aspect of a late baby...but then I remembered how on only the 2nd day that Gavin was late I only wanted to beat on anything that had a pulse and even moreso if that thing tried to advise or console me or even just look at me. Anyway, I bet that was the hormone swing your body rides right before labor; it's a doozy (sp?), but it's the signal to your body that the baby is ready to come out!! There will be more meltdowns, but everything will be okay--you guys will only be stronger as a couple and a family and it's worth it!
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