I am so thankful for a new year. 2009 has been a hard year. Now don't get me wrong, it brought me one of the greatest joys of my life, my daughter, but it has still been a rough one.
2009 has been a rough year for my marriage, and one of the hardest years at work. I've received new titles and new attacks. I've watched friends get married and friends get divorced. I've seen people I care about sore to new heights and others crippled by disease. I've learned a clean house doesn't make a happy home. Looking like you have it all together doesn't mean you really have it all together. I've been strong in my faith, and yet have had more moments of weakness than I should. I've learned to be selfless and that I'm still selfish. I've had people exceed my expectations and fail my expectations, but have learned more about those people by both. I've also learned I have been the one to exceed and fail. 2009 has been a year that has brought about more change than I think I was able to handle. It has shown me I can't do it all. 2009 has tried to teach me balance, hopefully 2010 will do better.
In 2010 I want to be a better wife. I want to expect less and smile more. I want to stop planning and start experiencing. I want to find myself in this new person I've become and new roles I've taken on. I want to trust God more and trust myself less. I always fail, He never does. I want to learn to ask for help without judging the work. I want to accept that I will never be the same me I was before I became a mother, but this new me can be even better.
Fresh starts. Fresh starts are good for the soul. Jesus gave fresh starts. In studying Jesus through the book of John I'm learning that it's not about relating to Jesus. It's about learning from Him. It's about trusting Him, believing in Him (even without all the answers), speaking about Him, and making the change. Changing whatever it is that keeps me from Him and moving into a person that is fully dependent on Him.
So here's to 2010. To what it will bring and to what it will teach. Here's to trusting the one with all the answers, and knowing that person isn't me. May you all find happiness, faith and joy in 2010.
3 comments:
I will tell you... transitioning into mommyhood was the hardest, most challenging thing for me too. And this year was even harder going to two kids... letting go and experiencing what God has in store for us is so hard but I'm learning everyday. There are more important things than having control. Loved your post and just wanted to encourage you in your wishes for 2010!
:)
"Expect less and smile more" that is awsome and beautiful. I dont know you, but I think that is wonderful!
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